Kendra DeColo
I am Not Trying to Hide my Hungers from the World Anymore

Not trying to wipe the smears

of gold from my chin, not trying


to erase the decadence of seeds

and profanity of onion


and grease not trying

to pretend I don’t open


my mouth around the zaftig

pearls of rain in the middle


of the night or that I don’t love

the moment right before sleep


when I am most tender

and translucent my bladder half-filled


knowing I will have to get up

and pee knowing my daughter


will wake up before I am ready

the way I became aware of her


on a climb through the mountains

a heaviness in my limbs a gentle


premonition as I walked later

to the Rite Aid and knew in my hands


and I knew in my mouth

and I knew in the way my body


pulled me forward as I wept

with joy but also grief


that a part of my life was ending

and isn’t it good to know when


life is about to swallow you whole

take you in its arms and say


“Live, bitch, live”

and you believe it


and this is how I will carry her

from her crib and open the curtains


part-way not ready to let the

world in the trails of smoke


and exhaust winter-blue 

as Cat Stevens’ Mona Bone Jakon


spinning on the Crosley  

that opens like an old suitcase


where my daughter will stand

on a chair lifting the stylus


from its perch and guide

it to the starry chatter


that hisses between songs

wondering what will play next

Found In Volume 48, No. 03
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Kendra DeColo
About the Author

Kendra DeColo is the author of My Dinner with Ron Jeremy (Third Man Books, 2016) and Thieves in the Afterlife (Saturnalia Books, 2014), selected by Yusef Komunyakaa for the Saturnalia Books Poetry Prize. Her poems and essays appear in Tin House Magazine, Waxwing, Los Angeles Review, VIDA, and elsewhere.  She is co-host of the podcast RE/VERB: A Third Man Books Production and she is the recipient of a 2019 Creative Writing Fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. She lives in Nashville, Tennessee.