i was a child greedy in my skin hungers    my stomach

churned by festival meat    the lamb in the courtyard

with its necklace of rope    gone & in place of a memory

pools of its blood in the dust        where i played barefoot

with the cousins    wearing the small boys’ alallah

for which i cried    until mama habab sent for the tailor

crisp pinstriped jalabiya & its smart striped trouser

i took great care to keep it pristine    & cried on days

it was taken from me to wash    twisting on the line like

my truer body    now i am the farthest

i’ve ever been & the fabric tears        canopy of fig trees

arranged in place of mothers    i face homeward & feel

once again that i am longing    for my uniform to return

from the water    that i am waiting for the animal i took

care to name    to wake & nuzzle its wet face into my hand

i wake on festival days    & reach for something to wear

& find only that bright chiffon    that irritating clanking of bangles

i wake on festival days to the smells of charring animal

& no one to accompany me to the prayer    no one to look

upon my naked feet    no one to touch me at all