If God had come to me and said,

if you are willing to forget yourself,

you will find the cure for heart attacks and compose

the greatest symphonies,

I wouldn’t have been sure of my answer.

Because there wouldn’t have been enough

attention to my suffering. And that’s unforgivable.

But I keep on forgiving myself

with God’s love.  And it’s strange I should say this

because my mother died of a heart attack

after months in a hospital room full of a silence

that lodged itself like a stone in her throat.

And she thought I was wonderful

and would do anything for her.